


Numbing Textures

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-07
Updated: 2007-06-07
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Love can drown you.





	Numbing Textures

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: Havn't posted in forever; how is everyone?  


* * *

I've started living in so much of an attempt to be newer than the old self I was. I've removed articles of permanence. And shed myself of complete certainty. unwillingly of course, and without much room for voluntary awareness. This is me without you now. This is me without you to hold my barren self. With no love to fill my body, which is now beyond saving. These are our little broken hearts pushed far from one another, and without good reasoning. (I'd like to think of you as broken too.) but I'd also like to think of us singularly. As solid monuments of this time spent. For we can only be what we hold of one another. And we can only produce from this what we're pushing farther inside it. I'd like to scream I miss you. But I need to find the most difficult proof that this can be okay. 

  
that my blood will circulate without your hands to warm my chest.   
without your fingertips to activate my skin.

  
I love you. In all of the most simple, yet grand ways any human can love. And though endurance seems impossible. I wish so much, that you'd hold my heart inside your eyes. That I could be thought of sometimes. And that I could burn on the receiving end of that, with the knowledge inside you. That I do the same daily. That we connect through ground. Through highway and the mail you're ready to receive. I envision that hours cannot stop us. And the times your breath escaped from my mouth won't be lost in mounds of time or incapability. That they'll return to my lips, and I can be warm again. 

  
but I suppose until that moment of interaction. I'll try a little harder to be myself without the larger pieces you hold.  
to recover and seal the spaces you've left, with some sort of temporary filler. so I can learn to lack the knowledge of your disappearances.

  
So our ventricles can be freshly sewn when you return. So we are we some time soon. Without all of the painful mess in between. And this is me being optimistic at best. Trying to put a positive sole in each of my shoes before leaving the house. Telling my unattractive body to be the opposite before it's seen. I made a mix for a boy who isn't you. And my fingers graze a willing body that isn't yours. While I force myself to trudge through a mess of resistance. I make my mouth speak. and my cheeks flush new colors. This is me trying. for you. This is me retching, and attempting to be the other side of the quiet which consumes me. I yearn for a welcome distraction. I yearn for a desire beside me in the form of warm hands, and possibly a warm body to cover my cold one.

  
so much love can flood a person. it can make them incapable.  
but this side is a sweltering mess of moving forward. 

  
through the dry agony of being alone. towards the weak bulbs of return.  
where a light is waiting to soothe monsters who have replaced hearts.


End file.
